Recently, while doomscrolling, I came across a social media thread that started with one question: Is it rude to ask your friend to host you?
At first, the conversation centered on impromptu hosting for out-of-town friends who suddenly need a place to crash for the night, but it quickly evolved into broader conversations about socialization, community-building, and hosting.
This reminded me of an article I read in The Atlantic about the death of the dinner party. In the piece, reporter Derek Thompson analyzes data from DDB Needham’s Life Style surveys, which show double-digit declines in every measure of socializing over the last 30 years. The share of Americans who host friends or family at home at least once a month has fallen from 42% in 1975 to 12% in 2026 — a 70% collapse in 50 years.
As I and other young Black folks say, we’re “losing recipes” — or letting traditions, customs and family histories fade across generations.
Thompson offers a few reasons as to why the art of the dinner party is fading. In our capitalist society, productivity outweighs companionship, and the “undue work” of hosting – coordination, outreach, shopping, etc. — adds mental strain that folks simply can’t (or won’t) handle. Shrinking friendship networks among impoverished groups and people with children are also a factor, as is social media. In Thompson’s words, “compared with TikTok, a dinner party is a terrible leisure technology.” No one is asking for multi-course dinners complete with amuse bouche and mignardises, but even a casual Sunday brunch requires some level of preparation and intention, not to mention the risk of mediocre food. What do Instagram reels ask of us? Nothing.
Growing up in a Rwandan household, my parents often dragged my brother and me across town for weekend visits with friends over steamed matoke or stewed isombe served with rice or fufu. They hosted those friends in turn. This practice helped my parents cultivate long-lasting relationships in the U.S., where neither had immediate family or support networks, that they’ve carried into their elder years.
So, the art of the casual dinner party has been ingrained in me since childhood. Even now, I host my friends, and they regularly host me.
I say all that to say this: in the age of nonchalance, convenience and modernity, I reject the idea that expecting a level of hospitality from your friends is rude.
Favorite East Bay bite of the week
While on the go as a food reporter, I often find tasty bites and plates I’d like to highlight but can’t dedicate a whole story to.
This week, while reporting for an upcoming cheap eats listicle, I discovered Qi Wei House, a small fusion restaurant in downtown Oakland with a menu that features a wide variety of dishes, from Hawaiian-style BBQ beef to galbi short ribs and bowls of ramen. While the options are seemingly endless, my eyes gravitated towards the shop’s ‘mini meal’ deal, a plate that comes with steamed rice, macaroni salad, vegetables and a choice of protein — I opted for the BBQ chicken. The plate itself was sizable — more food than I was initially expecting. The flavor of the BBQ chicken was sweet and slightly smoky, which paired nicely with the small side of tangy sauce.
The best part? It’s only $10.99, making it an affordable lunch or dinner option. Stay tuned for Nosh’s full guide to lunch on a budget in downtown Oakland.
Today in food history: Nov. 2
To all the egg lovers out there — happy national deviled egg day! While there’s nothing particularly devilish about stuffing eggs, in the culinary world the term “deviled” is a word used to describe a dish that is heavily seasoned or spicy. Popularized in the 19th and 20th centuries, deviled ham, eggs and chicken appeared on tables throughout the South and Midwest. The origin of deviled eggs can be traced back to ancient Rome, where boiled eggs seasoned with spicy sauces were served as appetizers to wealthy Romans.
Morsels
- Jess Lander, wine reporter at the San Francisco Chronicle, announced the publication’s newest hire, Lucy Hodgman, who joins the wine team after finishing her fellowship program placement with the Chronicle, where she initially covered climate, homelessness and breaking news. The Chronicle has also hired former intern Aviva Bechky as its new South Bay food reporter. Bechky previously covered food for the Houston Chronicle.
- KQED contributing writer and longtime Lake Merritt visitor Rocky Rivera’s recent article “Why Lake Merritt’s Street Food Scene Is Worth Saving” hits at the heart of the neighborhood food vendors’ ongoing battle with the City of Oakland over operating their food businesses along the lake. Rivera highlights the newly formed Oakland Street Vendors Collective, its lawsuit against the city, and the vendors’ importance to the fabric of Oakland’s food scene.
- In Food & Wine Magazine, Joshua David Stein explores America’s ongoing pizza revolution, and how restaurateurs are either innovating or staying true to pizza’s roots. He highlights two Bay Area favorites: June’s Pizza in Oakland, where Craig Murli is cooking up seasonally driven sourdough pies, and San Francisco’s Che Fico Pizzeria, where executive chef Evan Allumbaugh’s olive-oil dipped sourdough crusts are making waves.
